I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
