I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
