did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
