Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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