I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
