I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
