i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
