all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
