You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
