Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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