"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
