Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
