Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
