I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
