Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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