I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
