Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
