I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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