Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
