so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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