pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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