we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
