In the future we'll all be gay
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
