You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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