Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
