That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this boner is exhausting
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
