how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
