i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
