When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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