oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
