I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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