Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
