Tell her she can't have a vagina
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
