those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
