Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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