Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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