New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
