My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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