i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
