I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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