Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
