Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
