Sry I called you an 8
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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