with your own penis?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize