my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
