Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
