i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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