Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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