She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
