Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
as a side note pls kill me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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