I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
