I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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