i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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