In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
