I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk is not a location!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
