I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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