the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
