I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
