and you said cock pushups were impossible
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
