I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize