I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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