I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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