It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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