I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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