i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
