Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
