tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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