sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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