He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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