Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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